Fluffy Ann

Pets Make Us Crazy

2006-09-22T14:42:00.000-07:00

We have this cat named Gus. Cutest baby ever. However, half the people in the world have no idea what his real name is because his nicknames are ever-evolving. I wrote a new friend recently about this and thought I'd write to see if anyone else has this predicament with their pet.

Gus's nickname evolution went something like this: Gustav--Gus--Leetle Mon--Leetle--Bear Cub--Cub Scout--Cubby--Coob Scoot-- Cooby. And then there were all of these funny little cheers/songs that went along with half of the names. "Leetle Mon" was inserted into a peculiar soy sauce commercial's jingle instead of the word "Kikkoman." The last four nicknames' cheers went like this: "Scout's Honor!" -- "Give a shout out to the cub scout!" -- "Give a shoot oot to the Coob Scoot!" -- "Shoot to the Coob!" Now, we are either the most bizarre people ever, or, hidden away in their homes, many people succomb to silliness around their beloved pets. Which is the case?

I have a friend named Rachel who I believe is just as pet-silly as we. This is what she wrote instead of a profile for herself on an Internet site:

"Who wants to hear about me when you can hear about the diabolical Darth Cephus! Bocephus is about 3 inches high, and inherited the name "midnight missile" because he runs back & forth from the front of the house to the back as fast as he can go over & over again [the dog is also black]. Bo runs into walls, chews on Tony's dip, and will eat ANYTHING (his favorite is onions fresh off of the grill). He has scabies or something that makes his hair fall out. He poots a lot. He doesn't have any balls but that doesn't slow him down! Bo loves to go riding in the truck. He loves taking baths and hates the guy that lives across the street [...] Bo also loves to watch tv and will play with anything or anybody that squeaks. This dog is virtually retarded, but only I can say that because if anyone else calls my babies names, I will do them bodily harm."

Number One Hundred Five

2006-09-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

It's a stormin' today in Alabama. I'm in a good mood because my students participated really well in class and actually seemed to have a good time. *GASP* I made them read a short essay called "The Hijab" by a Canadian Islamic student, and they seemed to really get into discussing feminisim, race, and stereotypes. I think I'll have them read a Maya Angelou piece next because the class is predominantly African American, and because I want them to get a sampling (if possible) of authors from a wide range of religious, cultural, and ethnic backgrounds.

Number One Hundred Four

2006-09-17T15:33:00.000-07:00

I wore gloves today to church. I got inspired by the episode of Sex and the City in which Carrie and Miranda go to church to spy on Big and are both wearing gloves and a hat. I was also inspired by my friend Rebekah who is always wearing vintage clothes and accessories. The gloves I wore were some kid leather ones that were my grandmother's. They were more like driving gloves, but I didn't care. I just wanted to wear some, and my "proper" gloves are at my mother's house. I think some people thought I didn't know the difference. ;)

I think some people in my life who don't know me well think I'm stupid-- or just ultra naive like Charlotte. Neither of these is true, but I get really nervous when I'm in a group of people and have a hard time articulating myself. This seems hard to believe because I'm such an extravert, but it's true. Sometimes, I dive into a subject I don't know much about (eh hem... politics) just because I feel I haven't participated enough in the conversation, and then I feel like I'm in one of those dreams where one is standing naked in the middle of a crowd. Only I feel that I'm not only naked but also standing on a ledge above everyone so that they can gawk at me. This almost always happens when my husband and I go to lunch with a group of people, and I just want to hide under the table. Maybe this is all in my mind, but I always feel that awkward moment in the conversation when I've said something vague or worse-- something that makes absolutely no sense. Sometimes I don't even know where the thing came from, but there it is, staring me in the face saying, "What's your next move, smartie?"

Number One Hundred Three

2006-05-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

I never post on this thing any more, but why not? I changed the name of this blog and removed my own name to assure that no predatory characters have a chance. I have become increasingly wary of the Internet and the accessibility to private information.

The new blog name is a nickname that my best girl friend has long called me, and a subtle tribute to her.

Tomorrow, I shall go to the beach. I don't think I went at all last summer, which I find sad, since I live only a few hours from many beaches. I hope it's sunny and few people are there.

I have found "the one my heart loves" and am getting married in August. That is why I never post any more. I find expressing myself to the one person who understands me better than anyone else on earth much more fulfilling.

Number One Hundred Two

2006-02-09T12:12:00.000-08:00

For my love, G. G. :

"Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you
Until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song, and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day."

(Moulin Rouge, "Come What May")

Number One Hundred One

2005-11-30T07:38:00.000-08:00

"I have a smile
Stretched from ear to ear
To see you walking down the road

We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around us disappears

Just you and me
On this island of hope
A breath between us could be miles

Let me surround you
My sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek"

(Sarah McLachlan, "I Love You")

Number One Hundred

2005-10-31T16:49:00.000-08:00

"I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream
Lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart
They were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you"

(Rascal Flatts)

Number Ninety-nine

2005-10-25T17:12:00.000-07:00

Rosa Parks died today. I am inserting a quote in her memory.

"People always say that I didn't give up my seat because I was tired, but that wasn't true. I was not tired physically, or no more tired than I usually was at the end of a working day. I was not old, although some people have an image of me as being old then. I was 42.
No, the only tired I was, was tired of giving in."

These lyrics from "Hark! The Harold Angels Sing" really moved me today:

"Christ, by highest heav'n adored
Christ, the everlasting Lord;
Late in time behold Him come,
Offspring of the favored one.
Veil'd in flesh, the Godhead see;
Hail, th'incarnate Deity
Pleased, as man, with men to dwell,
Jesus, our Emmanuel!"

Number Ninety-eight

2005-10-12T08:50:00.000-07:00

"Many times
I’ve tried to tell you
Many times I’ve cried alone
Always I’m surprised how well you
Cut my feelings to the bone
Don’t want to leave you
I’ve invested too much time
To give you up that easy
To the doubts that complicate your mind

We belong to the light
We belong to the thunder
We belong to the sound of the words
We’ve both fallen under
Whatever we deny or embrace
For worse or for better
We belong, we belong
We belong together"

(Pat Benetar)

Number Ninety-seven

2005-10-04T11:30:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard a song in which you understood almost none of the lyrics? My most recent puzzlement has been Greenday's "Holiday." So, here are most of the lyrics, to ease my mind, and yours if you've been troubled lately, too:

"Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)
The shame, the ones who die without a name

Here the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery" (Hey!)
And bleed, the company lost the war today

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protestor has crossed the line (HEY!)
To find, the money's on the other side

Can I get another amen? (Amen!)
There's a rag wrapped around the score of men (Hey!)
A gag, A plastic bag on a monument

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday(Hey!)(Say, Hey!)
"The representative from California has the floor"

Zieg Heil to the president gasman
Bombs away is your punishment
Pulverize the Eiffel towers
Who criticize your government
Bang bang goes the broken glass and
Kill all the fags that don't agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
This is our lives on holiday"

I don't know if I like the lyrics yet, but at least I know them now.

Number Ninety-six

2005-10-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

"Open up your eyes
Then you'll realize
Here I stand with my
Everlasting love

Need you by my side
Come and be my pride
You'll never be denied
Everlasting love

From the very start
Open up your heart
Feel the love you've got
Everlasting love"

(Robert Knight, "Everlasting Love")

Number Ninety-five

2005-09-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

Some lines from Daniel Bedingfield's "If You're Not the One":

"If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings,
But I know you're here with me now.
We'll make it through,
And I hope you are the one I share my life with...

'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right,
And though I can't be with you tonight,
Know my heart is by your side."

So, I am sitting here blogging because I have nothing else to do. I gave my students a test this morning at 8am, but they were all done by 8:30. So, I just let them go. They should have liked that because I usually teach right up to 9:15. Anyway, I marked all the tests. Now, I need to tally up the missed points and assign grades. I am really tickled with one of my students whose test I already graded and who made about a 108. Yea!! At least someone is learning. :D Well, I must be going. I have sat at this computer for too long.

Number Ninety-four

2005-09-15T13:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am going to meet my wonderful, kind, beautiful boyfriend for dinner at Applebee's in Ozark. I am so excited to eat some food that I don't have to cook and to get to see him. I have missed him a lot this week... Then, quicker than I can blink, it will be Friday, and I will have all weekend to spend with him. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! I absolutely can't wait.
Lately, I have spent my lunch time in the Spanish room writing e-mails and blogging. It's some of the only quiet time I get to myself during the day.

Number Ninety-three

2005-09-14T15:30:00.000-07:00

"Purring seems to be an automatic safety-valve device for dealing with happiness overfl0w."

"So she said, What's the problem, baby?
What's the problem? I don't know,
Well, maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it
Every time I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this?
Just to cure it, 'cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me, but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running,
Running down into the spring that's coming, all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love

Well, baby, I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well, I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on,
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on,
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on,
Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on,
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on,
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on,
We were once upon a time
In love

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love (x7)

Accidentally

I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,

Accidentally

Come on, come on,
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on,
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on,
Just get yourself inside her
Love ... I'm in love"

(Counting Crows, "Accidentally in Love")

It's true... I'm in love. :)

Number Ninety-two

2005-09-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

"Tap on my window, knock on my door.
I want to make you feel beautiful...

My heart is full, and my door's always open.
You can come any time you want."

(Maroon 5, "She Will Be Loved")

Number Ninety-one

2005-09-13T05:30:00.000-07:00

"I had no choice but to hear you.
You stated your case time and again.
I thought about it...

You treat me like I'm a princess.
I'm not used to liking that.
You ask how my day was...

You've already won me over in spite of me,
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet.
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are.
I couldn't help it;
It's all your fault.

Your love is thick, and it swallowed me whole.
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for.
That's not lip service.

You are the bearer of unconditional things.
You held your breath and the door for me.
Thanks for your patience.

You're the best listener that I've ever met.
You're my best friend,
Best friend with benefits.
What took me so long?

I've never felt this healthy before.
I've never wanted something rational.
I am aware now,
I am aware now...

You've already won me over in spite of me,
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet.
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are.
I couldn't help it;
It's all your fault."

("Head Over Feet," Alanis Morrisette)

Number Ninety

2005-09-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

"It's been a while
Since I've seen the candles light your face,
And it's been a while,
But I can still remember just the way you taste."
(Staind)

"Beth, you're my taste in women." (G)

Number Eighty-nine

2005-08-18T10:15:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in forever, and feel like I owe it to my blog to post. This will not be long, though. I am sitting down in the basement with my white kitten, who gets more huge and fluffy every day. I love it. I've started calling him "fatty." I like big kitties. I'm about to go upstairs to do some things before I leave. I want to get the base of Claire Hart's purse finished so I can take it to her when Glen and I go t0 Red Star this weekend. She has a white formal for Chi Omega coming up. She looks just gorgeous in her dress, which is an off-the-shoulder wedding gown with a short train and beaded with pearls and sequins at the waist. I think I'm going to do some hand beading on her purse. I've never really done that before. Anyway, after working on the purse, I plan to pack a few things and then take a shower. I'm going to see my boyfriend today. :D I'm going to take him the movie Sarah Plain and Tall (with Christopher Walken and Glenn Close) because I know he will love it.

Before leaving Dothan I will stop by the mall. I'm dying to get a certain purse over which I am lusting. I have debated it for a while, but I have now decided that this trend is brilliant and I want to be part of it. I told Glen the other day that there are two types of trends. The first are those that catch on merely because everybody agrees to give in. These are the kind that occur because a star wears something and people want to imitate her/him (the trickle-down theory) or because a bunch of inner-city kids think it's cool (the trickle-up theory). Think neon and biker pants in the '8os. Or "grunge" in the '90s. Was that really great fashion? I don't think so. The second type of trends are those that catch on because the designers were truly onto something brilliant. The latter are the types of trends that last and that recycle themselves in one form or another over and over again throughout the years. Some great examples are the Chanel suit, the tea-length skirt, and the kitten heel (didn't Louis XIV wear the first one?). Don't get me wrong: great fashion can also "trickle down" or "trickle up." And great designers can also royally screw up. But more commonly, trends follow these lines.

Glen wanted me to get sushi and bring it up to Troy, but the sushi places don't open until dinnertime. Bruno's sells sushi in some towns, but not in Dothan (surprise!).

Anyway, I will go now. All this talk of fashion has gotten me excited, and I need to design. Au revoir.

Number Eighty-eight

2005-08-17T17:06:00.000-07:00

"I drove all night to get to you
Is that alright?
I drove all night,
Crept in your room,
Woke you from your sleep
To make love to you
Is that alright?
I drove all night..."

(Celine Dion, "I Drove All Night")

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
Ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming up tales
Heads on a science apart

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh, and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing tales
Coming back as we are

I'm going back to the start..."

(Coldplay, "The Scientist")

Number Eighty-seven

2005-07-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

"The whole world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe." (The Village)

I have a picture of my great grandma Pearl. I think the picture was taken in 1917. A dear friend says I have her mouth.

"The possession of originality cannot make an artist unconventional; it drives him further into convention, obeying the law of the art itself, which seeks constantly to reshape itself from its own depths, and which works through its geniuses for metamorphosis, as it works through minor talents for mutation." (Northrop Frye, The Anatomy of Criticism)

I am sitting here reading the Oxford English Dictionary. It is normally twelve volumes, but this version is only two volumes. The print has been shrunk, and you have to read it with a magnifying glass. :) I looked up "fluffy," and there are entries for "fluff," "flufffiness," "fluffing," and "fluffy." One definition for "fluff" is "to knock out of breath; to cause to pant." :) And one definition for "fluffy" is "drunk and incapable." Ha ha ha. Let's go get fluffy, mate!!

Anyhoo... I am doing some independent work on Northrop Frye. I am really enjoying reading The Anatomy of Criticism. And: I graduate in 8 days!! Giddyup! I am really going to miss Troy, though. I hope to visit alot. :D Well, I am going to read Frye and take a shower. And maybe have some hot chai. Mmmmm. Au revoir, mon amies!

Number Eighty-six

2005-07-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

Today is July 22!!!!!! 22 is the number for intimacy. I'm always expectant on days with lots of twos to see what intimacy God is going to bring into my life.

A few lines from a piece of my past that resurfaced this morning:

"Not to put too fine a point on it
Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet
Make a little birdhouse in your soul"

"This is where the party ends
I can't stand here listening to you
And your racist friend
I know politics bore you
But I feel like a hypocrite talking to you
And your racist friend"

"I lost my lucky ball & chain
Now she's four years gone
Just five feet tall and sick of me
And all my rattling on
She threw away her baby doll
I held on to my pride
But I was young and foolish then
I feel old and foolish now

"Confidentially --she never called me baby doll
Confidentially --I never had much pride
But now I rock a bar stool and I drink for two
Just pondering this time bomb in my mind

I lost my lucky ball & chain
Now she's four years gone
Just five feet tall and sick of me
And all my rattling on
She walked away from a happy man
I thought I was so cool
I just stood there whistling
"There goes the bride" as she walked out the door
"There goes the bride" as she walked out the door

I could shake my tiny fist and swear I wasn't wrong
But what's the sense in arguing when you're all alone?
Sure as you can't steer a train
You can't change your fate
And when she told me off that day
I knew I'd lost my home

Confidentially --I never told you of her charms
Confidentially --we never had a home
But this railroad apartmentwas the perfect place
When she'd sit and hold me in her arms"

All Lyrics, They Might Be Giants, "Flood," 1990

Number Eighty-five

2005-07-20T12:40:00.000-07:00

Today is a day for some of my favorite hymns and songs of worship. May you be blessed by them.

"My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils his lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the vale.

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand."

(Edward Mote, "The Solid Rock")

I heard people say
What Jesus could do:
The crippled were walking on legs that were new.
He made blind men to see,
And the demon possessed
Were no longer captive;
Every one of them said,

Willing
Jesus was willing to meet my deepest need.
Willing
Jesus was willing to come and set me free.
He had the might and authority
To know what I was and still pardon me,
But only His love
Could cause Him to be
Willing

I fell to my knees,
Called out His name
He was so holy;
I was ashamed
To cry out for his help,
To ask for His touch
I didn't deserve it,
But I found that He was

Willing
Jesus was willing to meet my deepest need.
Willing
Jesus was willing to come and set me free.
He had the might and authority
To know what I was and what I could be,
But only His love
Could cause Him to be
Willing.

Willing to hear me,
To stop and come near me
When I had no where else I could to turn
Willing to save me
And willing to raise me
To change my whole life with a word
He was willing..."

("Willing," Travis Cottrell/Sue C. Smith)

Number Eighty-four

2005-07-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

"I used to think that I was strong
I realize now I was wrong
'Cause every time I see your face
My mind becomes an empty space
And with you lying next to me
Feels like I can hardly breathe

I close my eyes
The moment I surrender to you
Let love be blind,
Innocent and tenderly true
So lead me through tonight
But please, please turn out the light
'Cause I'm lost every time I look at you

And in the morning when you go
Wake me gently so I'll know
That loving you was not a dream
And whisper softly what it means to be with me
Then every moment we're apart
Will be a lifetime to my heart"

(Il Divo, "Every Time I Look at You")

Number Eighty-three

2005-07-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

"What a sight for my eyes
to see you in sleep.
Could it stop the sun rise
hearing you weep?
You're not seen, you're not heard
but I stand by my word.
I'd come a thousand miles
just to catch you while you're smiling.

What a day for laughter
and walking at night.
Me following after, your hand holding tight.
And the memory stays clear with the song that you hear.
If I can but make
the words awake the feeling.

What a reason for waiting
and dreaming of dreams.
So here's hoping you've faith in impossible schemes,
that are born in the sigh of the wind blowing by
while the dimming light brings the end to a night of loving."

(Ian Anderson, "Reasons for Waiting")

Number Eighty-two

2005-07-04T16:15:00.000-07:00

"When the rain comes
It seems that everyone has gone away
When the night falls
You wonder if you shouldn't find someplace
To run and hide
Escape the pain
But hiding's such a lonely thing to do

I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you 'til it goes away

When the rain comes
You blame it on the things that you have done
When the storm fades
You know that rain must fall on everyone
Rest awhile
It'll be alright
No one loves you like I do

I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you til it goes away

When the rain comes
I will hold you"

(Third Day, "When the Rain Comes")

"Here I am at what feels like the end
And so I come to You, my Lord, again
With this burden buried deep within
This heart that You have made
In this trial that I'm going through
I don't question 'cause I know it's true
That the sorrow brings me back to You
And You have made me stronger

It's been forty days and forty nights
Down the road of many trials
And I pray it's only for a season
'Cause in the wilderness and in the flood
You're the one I'm thinking of
And I know You've brought me for a reason
You've brought me for a reason"

(Third Day, "40 Days")

Number Eighty-one

2005-07-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

I got a kitten today!!!!!! She is long-haired and black with white splotches. She has really pretty markings on her face and the most brilliant, beautiful emerald green eyes. Her name that she was given at the shelter is Abigail, but I will probably change it to Cosette.

I also have been looking at apartments in Dothan on apartmentfinder.com. I found a complex called Colony Square I'm pretty interested in on the circle. A one-bedroom is $350. And the best part: "small pets welcome"!! Anyway, I will go look at it on Monday. My kitten isn't even arriving until Tuesday, because she has to get her shots and get spayed. We got a pretty, silky white kitten for the house, too. :D

Well, Josh (my brother) and I are going to see Batman Begins; so I will talk to you folks later. :)

Number Eighty

2005-06-30T19:36:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear,
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before; it seems to have a vague
Haunting mass appeal.
Lately, I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there,
I'll be there

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?

It's driven me before; it seems to be the way
That everyone else get around.
Lately, I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found.

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there,
I'll be there"

(Incubus, "Drive")

Number Seventy-nine

2005-06-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been really worried about something and then realized that there was nothing to worry about? Or that there were alot more important things to worry about? That just happened to me. I just wanted to share my relief. I think I have been experiencing metanoia as of late. Metanoia is New Testament Greek for turning of the mind or redemption.

And especially for A and G: I love you guys. Thanks so much for watching out for me and loving me.

"Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!" 2 Corinthians 9:15

Number Seventy-eight

2005-06-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

"See the stone set in your eyes,
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised,
She's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you"

(U2, "With or without You")

Number Seventy-seven

2005-06-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! My public demands me. This post is only for April, faithful reader of my blog. On that note, I have some lines for you, love: "Prima donna, first lady of the stage, your devotees are on their knees to implore you! Can you bow out when they're shouting your name? Think of how they all adore you! Prima donna, enchant us once again! Think of your muse . . . And of the queues round the theatre! Can you deny us the triumph in store? Sing, prima donna, once more!"

Only for you, April, would I work on a blog post when I should be reading for Psychology of Women. You're just so hard to resist!! Anyhoo, last night I cooked Chinese for a good friend, who seemed to like it. He has no idea that was the first time I have ever cooked Chinese. :D Ha ha! The things you can get away with!

"Thinkin bout taking some time
Thinkin about leavin soon
I got some things I can't tell anyone
I got some things I just can't say
They're the kinda things that no one knows about
Just need somebody to talk to me
I'm thinkin about leaving tomorrow
I'm thinkin about being on my own [...]
Thinkin about getting out
Thinkin about getting out..."

(Counting Crows, "Speedway")

Happy Belated Birthday to Amy Holland!!!! Hope you had fun in Alaska!! Hope your marathon went well!!

"Welcome to the goldrush.
Wait 'til after dark.
Open up the ceiling, we'll be kneeling, we'll be breathing on a spark.
Flying kites at midnight,
Such a dizzy height.
Up above the small town, pulling moonlight down and wearing it skin tight."

(Over the Rhine, "The Seashore")

Number Seventy-six

2005-06-24T00:19:00.000-07:00

"What am I to you?
Tell me darling true.
To me you are the sea,
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue."

(Norah Jones)

Number Seventy-five

2005-06-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

Who in the world decided it would be interesting for an elevator to announce the floor it was on when it got there? The only thing "interesting" about it is that it scares the piss out of you if you're not expecting it. To experience this sensation, go to the English wing of Smith Hall.

"This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell
We’d be held."

(Natalie Grant, "Held")

Number Seventy-four

2005-06-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

"What a beautiful piece of heartache
this has all turned out to be.
Lord knows we've learned the hard way
all about healthy apathy.
And I use these words pretty loosely.
There's so much more to life than words.

There is a me you would not recognize, dear.
Call it the shadow of myself.
And if the music starts before I get there,
dance without me.
You dance so gracefully.
I really think I'll be o.k.
They've taken their toll these latter days.

Nothin' like sleepin' on a bed of nails.
Nothin' much here but our broken dreams.
Ah, but baby if all else fails,
nothin' is ever quite what it seems.
And I'm dyin' inside to leave you with more than just cliches.

There is a me you would not recognize, dear.
Call it the shadow of myself.
And if the music starts before I get there
dance without me.
You dance so gracefully.
I really think I'll be o.k.
They've taken their toll these latter days.

But tell them it's real.
Tell them it's really real.
I just don't have much left to say.
They've taken their toll these latter days.
They've taken their toll these latter days."

("Latter Days," words and music Detweiler, Over the Rhine)

My beloved cat Fudgie died today.

Number Seventy-three

2005-06-16T22:10:00.000-07:00

"Go down easy babe.
Go down slow.
Take all the time you need.
We've no place else to go.

Gonna put on my favorite dress.
Put my hair up too.
Take me North, South, East or West.
I guess I'll leave it up to you.

You threw a noose around my shadow.
Got me into all this mess.
I would have dove in head first anyway
for less, for a whole lot less.

Go down easy babe.
Go down slow.
Take all the time you need.
We've no place else to go.

Say farewell to the confines of my own back yard.
Weeds growin' 'round the flowers.
Sometimes the only way to break the curse
is to leave it all behind.

Find the slow curve of a back road,
one hand on the wheel.
Drive till I remember how it feels.
So this is how it feels. Oh.

Go down easy babe.
Go down slow.
If there's anything better than this
I'd like to know."

("Go Down Easy," Detweiler and Bergquist)

Number Seventy-two

2005-06-11T13:00:00.000-07:00

"Soon we must all face the choice between what's right and what is easy." (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

Number Seventy-one

2005-06-10T13:00:00.000-07:00

Quotes for the day:

"There's always a good time to work on my zipper skills."
"My jaw hurts, but not for the right reasons." (me)

"I think I'm great; so I should reproduce." (Rachel Wisenbaker)

"I've got plenty of ego; I want some fun." (Grant Johnson)

Number Seventy

2005-06-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

Suggested Reading: Helene Cixous, "The Laugh of the Medusa"

"Let us assume that the clitoris exists to give us pleasure, and that pleasure provides the spur to seek sex-- that without the promise of great reward we'd be content to stay home and catch up on our flossing. Then we must revisit the matter of disappointment, the frequency with which the clitoris fails us. Why do we have to work much harder for our finale than men do? The clitoris is an idiot savant: it can be so brilliant, and so stupid." (Natalie Angier, Woman: An Intimate Geography)

"Who would want a shotgun when you can have a semiautomatic?" (Angier in reference to the clitoris, penis, and multiple orgasms)

Number Sixty-nine

2005-05-31T13:30:00.000-07:00

"She rolls the window down,
And she talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don't know why,
But she's changed my mind.
Would you look at her as she looks at me?
She's got me thinkin about her constantly,
But she don't know how I feel.
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl,
Crazy for this girl.
She was the one to hold me
The night the sky fell down.
And what was I thinkin when
The world didn't end?
Why didn't I know what I know now?"

(Evan and Jaron, "Crazy for This Girl")

"Beth, you're the closest thing I know to an elf!" (Dr. G. R. Gill)

Some good "surrealist compliments" for today:

"Your cleverness ferments meat without the need of oxygen."

"Ceci n'est pas un compliment."

Number Sixty-eight

2005-05-23T12:33:00.000-07:00

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

Dylan Thomas, "Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night"

Number Sixty-seven

2005-04-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

"Though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down...
I will sing of your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy, yeah"
(Jars of Clay, "Valley Song")

"Say, won't you say,
Say that you love me
Love, ever love
Love everlasting
All my devotion
Put into motion by You
By You"
(Jennifer Knapp)

Number Sixty-six

2005-04-22T14:52:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how many friends you can have in common with someone on Facebook and still not know them. I just found someone I have 18 friends in common with.... never met him.

Today is my brother's 17th birthday. Happy birthday, lil bro!! You're the man, Big J! And you're still the original J. Lo.... My brother is one bad drummer, boys and girls. This is his band's website: www.geocities.com/fightingeldiablo.

Number Sixty-five

2005-04-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

"She's packin' her phallic symbol." (Dr. Gill referring to Eowyn)

Number Sixty-four

2005-04-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

Quote of the day: "I'm like a little otter... a sexy little otter." (Stormy, Sealab2021)

Song:
"Come away with me in the night
Come away with me and I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away with me where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me."

(Norah Jones, "Come Away with Me")

I miss the safety of my old life. I miss the certainty of high school days, the times where the worst thing we did was skip class to go to TCBY. I miss my dear high school friends. There has been nothing later in my life like the intimacy that I shared with those friends. I have never had people who cared more deeply for me or encouraged me more in my personal growth and in my walk with God. Hannah, Beth, Allison: this is for you. I love you with all my heart and soul. To the ends of the earth. To quote Janie from Their Eyes Were Watching God, "Nobody else on earth kin hold uh candle tuh you, baby. You got de keys to de kingdom."

Number Sixty-three

2005-04-12T10:09:00.000-07:00

"You cannot quit me so quickly.
Is no hope in you for me?
No corner you could squeeze me?
But I’ve got all the time for you, love [...]

The space between
Where you smile and hide,
That’s where you’ll find me if I get to go.

The space between
The bullets in our fire fight
Is where I’ll be hiding waiting for you.
The rain that falls
Splashed in your heart
Ran like sadness down the windowpane.

The space between
Our wicked lies
Is the hope to keep safe from pain.

Take my hand
Cause we’re walking out of here,
Right out of here.
Love is all we need, dear."

(Dave Matthews Band, "The Space Between")

Number Sixty-two

2005-04-12T02:30:00.000-07:00

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold." (Frodo Baggins)

"I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee. Here at the end of all things." (Frodo Baggins)

What do I have in the end, "at the end of all things"? My family. And God. God, who Sam reminds me of when he says, "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you."

The Lord is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid?
When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear;
Though war break out against me, even then will I be confident...
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me. Psalm 27:1-3, 10

Number Sixty-one

2005-04-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, I actually wrote something at the end of this; so don't dismay. It's not just lyrics.

"I've been here before a few times
And I'm quite aware we're dying
And your hands, they shake with goodbyes
And I'll take you back if you'd have me

So here I am, I'm trying
So here I am are you ready

Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you
Always
Kiss you, taste you, all night
Always

And I'll miss your laugh, your smile
I'll admit I'm wrong if you'd tell me
I'm so sick of fights, I hate them
Let's start this again for real."

(Blink 182, "Always")

"I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss...

Now I'm falling asleep,
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed,
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head,
Yes, it's all in my head

But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go
I just can't look, it's killing me
And taking control

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
Cause I'm Mr. Brightside"

(The Killers, "Mr. Brightside")

"Staring at a maple leaf
Leaning on the mother tree
I said to myself we all lost touch
Your favorite fruit is chocolate covered cherries
And seedless watermelon ohhhh
Nothing from the ground is good enough
Body rised
It puts over me

Oh chariot, your golden waves
are walking down upon this face
Oh chariot I'm singing out loud
To guide me
Give me your
strength

Remember seeking moons of birth
Rings made mirrors of the earth
The sun was just yellow energy
It is a living promise land
Even over fields of sand
Seasons fill my mind and
Cover me
From bringing back
More than a memory

You'll be my vacation away from this place
You know what I want
Holding that cup
It's pouring over the sides
Make me wanna spread my arms and fly."

(Gavin DeGraw, "Chariot")

These songs aren't quite in the order I wanted them, but the point is, they are the ones that have been chasing me lately. There has been a constant focus on garden/paradisal imagery for me recently. I have been absolutely enchanted by spring. For the past week, I have been watching flowers closely (especially the roses outside Smith Hall), studying bees unawaredly (is that a word?) pollinating flowers, and stared captivatedly (is that one?) at green buds pushing open. And just yesterday, I decided, with the help of Dr. Gill, to write my paper for the symposium about women and the spaces associated with them in The Lord of the Rings. Northrop Frye calls this the "feminine space of blissful repose." The garden is the ultimate archetype for the feminine space.

I have also been drinking beer the past couple of days. I hadn't had a drink in months before that. I also bought a bottle of Yellow Tail Shiraz-Cabernet. However, I didn't buy a corkscrew. Hmmm. That's what happens when you've never bought wine before... Well, I think I have a good beer buzz. Have ya'll ever heard that song-- shoot; I don't remember the artist-- "B double E double R-U-N, beer run!!" Josh Mallory played me that. It's not a country song, though there is one that sounds like that. Anyway, I don't know what all this intimacy with alcohol means either. I could analyze it, but you know what?? I have to write a paper.

Number Sixty

2005-04-08T14:30:00.000-07:00

More Dr. Day quotes:
"People, beware of your friends. They will sometimes screw you into the woodwork using a power drill." (referring to Benedick in Much Ado about Nothing)

"I am tired of watching that bubble emit from your mouth like some elastic cud from some plastic cow." (referring to someone's chewing gum)

Dr. Gill quotes:

"I am a river unto my people."

"I am a merciful god."

And a Dr. LaBrant quote:
"It's kind of like having a really warm blankie and some warm milk." (referring to giving his students points for trying on exams)

All right. I'm going to write more later, but I have to go now. I don't know if this lab is open to just anyone.

Number Fifty-nine

2005-04-02T06:00:00.000-08:00

"From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another."
John 1:16 NIV

Number Fifty-eight

2005-03-17T13:42:00.001-08:00

Where ARE you people when I need you?!??! I need to vent!

Yeah, well, happy St. Paddy's Day. I'm going to write a book on how to kill the mood. I guess this will be Chapter 10 or something: "How to kill St. Patrick's Day." Well, there ya go. Go eat some cornbeef or something.

Number Fifty-seven

2005-03-17T02:45:00.000-08:00

Great moment in Family Guy history: When Brian and Stewey are on a tour in Germany because Stewey wants to go to Europe to visit Jolly Land. Brian asks the German tour guide why he is omitting all information about Germany from 1939-1945. He asks something like, "What about 1939? Germany attacked Poland in 1939." The tour guide replies, "We were invited! Punch was served! Check with Poland!"

The other day, Dr. Gill said that a good archetypal reading is the equivalent to talking dirty in literature. I got a 93 on my archetypal reading of Saving Private Ryan!! I guess he liked the way I talked dirty. :D

Ooooo dang. This sleeping pill is starting to hit me.

If you want to visit a great blog, go to: http://in2thedark.blogspot.com. Best guy's blog I've ever read.

Number Fifty-six

2005-03-15T13:20:00.000-08:00

My mom wrote me this today. I thought it was beautiful.

Hi Love,
I don't know what got into me, I've never done this before in my life, but I just googled myself! I put in "annie mccoy loveland"and it pulled up an Elizabeth Ann McCoy [my name is Elizabeth Ann Loveland] who is on the President's Honor Roll at the Univ. of Wisconsin!! What can I say... it's just a name with great promise and potential. :)

My dance teacher this morning also said to me, "Did you know your name means 'consecrated to God'?"

Number Fifty-five

2005-03-09T23:30:00.000-08:00

My three favorite commercials right now:
1. "How do you feel between Reeses?"
2. The McDonald's Chicken Selects commercial where the guy is like, "Oh, now they've got a dipping sauce involved. It's worse than I thought. Dippity dip dip dip."
3. The Hershey's commercial where the guy says something, "You know, girls are nuts anyway. Then you give them chocolate, and it's like, 'Oh my God, Chocolate! I love chocolate!!' Anyway, it's a great way to meet girls."

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Quotes for the day:
"It's like my pool is tearin' ass all around the backyard." (Carl referring to his pool that he decorated with neon lights)
"We can still melt him. Like, I have this bitchin' hair dryer."

Number Fifty-four

2005-03-04T07:00:00.000-08:00

Dr. Day's Quote Board:

"With Cleopatra, you never knew if she was going to kiss you or scratch your eyes out, but you knew you were in for a time." (in reference to Antony & Cleopatra)

"He makes me look like a pussy cat." (in reference to Bill O'Reilly)

"The dead are not supposed to be hanging around. It's really bad form." (in reference to ghosts)

"Anti-personality whatever-the-shit." (in reference to sociopaths)

Fifty-three

2005-03-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

"Think of me,
Think of me fondly when we've said goodbye.
Remember me,
Once in a while-- please promise me you'll try.
When you find
That once again you long
To take your heart back and be free
If you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me.

We never said
Our love was evergreen
Or as unchanging as the sea,
but if you can still remember, stop and think of me.

Think of all the things we've shared and seen;
Don't think about the way things which might have been.

Think of me,
Think of me waking, silent and resigned.
Imagine me,
Trying too hard to put you from my mind.
Recall those days,
Look back on all those times, think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day when I won't think of you.

Flowers fade,
The fruits of summer fade,
They have their seasons; so do we.
But please promise that sometimes
You will think of me."

("Think of Me," Phantom of the Opera, Andrew Lloyd Webber)

Number Fifty-two

2005-03-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

Have ya'll seen Dave Chapelle's "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch??" OH MY GOSH.

Number Fifty-one

2005-03-01T12:15:00.000-08:00

Much too overlooked song: "Fat-bottomed Girls" by Queen
Rachel Bruno's alternative title: "The original 'Baby Got Back'"

"Oh, won't you take me home tonight?
Oh, down beside that red firelight,
Oh, you gonna let it all hang out,
Fat-bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round."

I LOVE QUEEN!

Number Fifty

2005-02-25T10:00:00.000-08:00

"Oh, my baby, when you're older
Maybe then you'll understand
You have angels that stands around you shoulders
'Cause at times in life you need a loving hand

Worry not my daughters,
Worry not my sons
Child, when life don't seem worth livin
'Come to Jesus and let Him hold you in His arms

Oh, my baby, when you're cryin'
Never hide your face from me
I've conquered hell and driven out the demons
I have come with a life to set you free

Worry not my daughters,
Worry not my sons
Child, when life don't seem worth livin
'Come to Jesus and let Him hold you in His arms"

(Old Negro Spiritual, newest cover by Mindy Smith)

"To mourn a mischief that is past and gone
Is the next way to draw new mischief on.
What cannot be preserv'd when Fortune takes,
Patience her injury a mock'ry makes.
[(Patient endurance of a loss makes a mockery of Fortune's intended injury.)]
The robb'd that smiles steals something from the thief;
He robs himself that spends a bootless grief."

(Shakespeare, I.iii, Othello)

Number Forty-nine

2005-02-25T08:30:00.000-08:00

I called Granny this morning and told her I loved her. I feel better that I at least got to talk to her and tell her that. I told her God loved her, and I was praying for her. Please pray for my Granny. Pray for her redemption. I know some of you don't believe in heaven and hell, but I want to die when I think about the possibility of my Granny in hell.

Number Forty-eight

2005-02-25T06:16:00.000-08:00

You Belong in 1964

1964

If you scored...
1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!
1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.
1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!
1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.
1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

I got this from Sam. I must say I like the actual process of taking the quiz more than the quiz results. What happened to "You belong in 1945"? Because I know that's where I'd get put.

Number Forty-seven

2005-02-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

"The thundering sea is calling me home, home to you,
The pounding sea is calling me home, home to you.

On a dark new year's night
On the west coast of Clare,
I heard your voice singing.
Your eyes danced the song,
Your hands played the tune;
'Twas a vision before me.

We left the music behind, and the dance carried on
As we stole away to the seashore.
And smelt the brine, felt the wind in our hair,
With sadness you paused.

Suddenly I knew that you'd have to go--
Your world was not mine; your eyes told me so.
Yet it was there I felt the crossroads of time,
And I wondered why.

As we cast our gaze on the tumbling sea,
A vision came o'er me
Of thundering hooves and beating wings
In the clouds above.
Turning to go, heard you call out my name,
Like a bird in a cage, spreading its wings to fly.
'The old ways are lost,' you sang as you flew,
And I wondered why.

The thundering waves are calling me home, home to you,
The pounding sea is calling me home, home to you."

("The Old Ways," words and music by Loreena McKennitt)

Go here to hear a bit.

Number Forty-six

2005-02-25T05:00:00.000-08:00

I'm really depressed. My grandmother is probably dying. I really love her. And I wanted to go home this weekend and be with my mom, but she's gone to Tallahassee to be with my granny. I also feel like a failure because of something I did yesterday. I really let my dad down. Life is too hard, and it leaves you too raw. This will be the first person that's close to me to die, and I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

Number Forty-five

2005-02-23T13:45:00.000-08:00

Ok, this is a great idea from NWJR; so I'm going to try it:
"1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that 'cool' or 'intellectual' book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest."

"The last man came gasping into the rear, said, 'The worm! It's almost on us! Blast off!"
The Duke slid into his seat, frowning, said: 'We still have almost three minutes on the original contract estimate. Is that right, Kynes?' He shut his door, checked it." (Dune, Frank Herbert)

Ha! I haven't read this yet. It's for class; so it makes absolutely no sense to me either.

Today are the SGA elections. I'm voting if I get a free moment. I'm also going to send Case a Valentine, which I haven't done yet. That's right, Case; I'm a slacker. And I'm going to Wal Mart. I need some wide red velvet trim for this toile purse I'm making. And I need toilet paper. And hot chocolate. And some more Ambien. That stuff is a dream drug. Ha ha. That could almost be a pun.

Number Forty-four

2005-02-22T07:00:00.000-08:00

These are pictures of me and my friends at the Troy University Chinese New Year celebration.

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/fluffily62581/album?.dir=/be65

Happy February 22!!!!! 2 is the number for intimacy. May you find intimacy with God today.

Number Forty-three

2005-02-20T15:35:00.000-08:00

A comedian me and Steven were watching was talking about some free pads he got in the mail, and he called them "Always dri-weave with wings and optional sunroof." He said he uses them as coffee filters. Ha ha ha ha. Pads are definitely the spawn of the devil. There is no way wearing them makes you feel confident like on the commercials. More like uncomfortable and cranky!!

Number Forty-two

2005-02-20T15:30:00.000-08:00

"The dawn is breaking,
A light shining through.
You're barely waking,
And I'm tangled up in you... yeah.

I'm open, you're closed.
Where I follow, you'll go.
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again.

I'm quiet, you know.
You make a first impression.
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind."

(Howie Day, "Collide")

Number Forty-one

2005-02-20T15:00:00.000-08:00

You Are 32 Years Old

32

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Evidently, I am a thirty-two-year-old at heart. Yes, my favorite dessert would be creme broulee, and my idea of a great party would be a wine-tasting at an art museum.

Number Forty

2005-02-15T22:45:00.000-08:00

Daddy gave me a dozen peach roses for Valentine's Day, and they made me so happy.

Mama gave me the specialist card in the world. That was my favorite Valentine. What's my number one love language??

What do I love so much about Elijah Wood? The angst. It's all about the angst.

Number Thirty-nine

2005-02-10T11:45:00.000-08:00

"So you see, imagination needs moodling-- long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling, and puttering." (Brenda Ueland)

"She's Venus in blue jeans, Mona Lisa in a ponytail."

"She never compromises, loves babies and surprises, wears high heels when she exercises. Ain't that beautiful??" (Train, "Meet Virginia")

Number Thirty-eight

2005-02-08T09:30:00.000-08:00

Quote: "So it is grass!!... I'm eatin' it... Your hair is good to eat." (Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

Quote 2: "Should we get Shake? Cause he's gettin eaten by aphids."

Guess what?!? My dad is on a board at Georgia Pacific with Chuck Leavell, and they have had several conversations together. WOW! For the ignorant, Chuck Leavell is the keyboardist for The Rolling Stones. He's also played for Eric Clapton and Blues Traveler, among others.

Number Thirty-seven

2005-02-06T06:45:00.000-08:00

Quote for the day: "Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a big gut and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex."

Who's coming to the biggest pot luck in Pike County today??! I had my doubts at first, but there has been so much hype I'm starting to believe it. I'm going. I've gotta see if the rumors are true.

I'm teaching Children's Church today. We are making mosaics of the sun and moon. I cut out all different kinds of yellow fabric for the sun. For the moon, we are going to put blue and white star fabrics in the negative space. CRAFTS!!!! HOORAY!

I'm feeling better today. The past couple of days have been horrific.

Number Thirty-six

2005-02-05T07:33:00.000-08:00

This is my new nephew!!

growingfamily.com - WebNursery

Number Thirty-five

2005-02-05T05:00:00.001-08:00

Quote: "The past can be like sidewalk chalk if you will dance and pray for rain." (Daniel Lowrey & Jeff Hunt)

That's all I've got right now. Richard III and Dr. Day are calling my name! Here I come!!!

Number Thirty-four

2005-02-05T05:00:00.000-08:00

I didn't come up with this. Beth Peoples sent it to me.

Politics Measured In Cows

AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

Number Thirty-three

2005-01-26T08:40:00.000-08:00

"O nature, what hadst thou to do in hell
When thou didst bower the spirit of a fiend
In mortal paradise of such sweet flesh?
Was ever book containing such vile matter
So fairly bound? O that deceit should dwell
In such a gorgeous palace!"

(Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet)

I can't tell you how many guys I have thought this about. (I know I just ended a sentence in a preposition.)

A guy on a commercial for The Newlyweds was talking about his pigeons that were used in one of Jessica's videos. He said that one of the pigeons flew into Jessica during the shoot. And then, he said something like, "At that moment, she just smiled at me. You know what that is? Grace."
What?!?!

Audrey Hepburn, Katharine Hepburn, Grace Kelly = grace
Jessica Simpson = not grace

Number Thirty-two

2005-01-22T14:28:00.000-08:00

Did ya'll know that in 1995 Newt Gingrich said something like, "There are serious problems with women [in the military] being in ditches for thirty days. They get infections"?? This was his argument for why women shouldn't go to war. Like, "OH MY GOSH!! I'm having my period! I can't do this and fight a war at the same time!!!" And the guys are like, "Oh snap! Oh snap! She's shot! She's shot!"

I am sickeningly addicted to "I love the 90s." I have a serious disease. Remember Ricola?? Remember "six degrees away from Kevin Bacon"?? Oh my gosh. Matt Giesman and Josh Mallory used to rock at that. The funniest actors/ comediennes on this program are Micheal Ian Black, Rachael Harris, and Hal Sparks. Oh! And that big red-headed guy with the full beard. Brian Posehn. That's it. He's hilarious. I love how M. I. Black can just sit there with the straightest face in the world and tell you something so funny you wet your pants. It's like Mark Twain's idea of comedy: You have a narrator who acts as if he has no idea that what he is saying is in any way humorous.

"And don't suppose I would drink poison for love. Unless it had some Jack in it. Then I might." (Micheal Ian Black, in reference to Romeo & Juliet)

I know I'm a total dweeb, but I love "Lord of the Dance." Yes, the Irish Riverdance thing was a total craze. And, yes, Micheal Flatley seemed cocky. But can YOU dance like him?? I wish I could.

Number Thirty-one

2005-01-11T13:12:00.000-08:00

Must-see movie: The Philadelphia Story, 1941

"The ultimate tale of a topsy turvy romance, Kate Hepburn juggles the charms of ex husband Cary Grant, cynical Jimmy Stewart, and fiancee John Howard. The race to the altar is on in this delightful romantic comedy! The Philadelphia Story brought Kate back into popularity, and gave Jimmy his only Oscar." --Angela Allan

Number Thirty

2005-01-11T01:37:00.000-08:00

"Information is not knowledge,
Knowledge is not wisdom,
Wisdom is not truth,
Truth is not beauty,
Beauty is not love,
Love is not music,
Music is the best."

(Frank Zappa)

Number Twenty-nine

2005-01-10T22:00:00.000-08:00

"I rather like this God fellow-- a little pestilence here, a little plague there. Omnipotence!! Got to get me some of that!" (Stewey, "The Family Guy")

Number Twenty-eight

2005-01-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

"When the day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don’t let yourself go.
Everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it’s time to sing along.
When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on),
If you feel like letting go (hold on),
When you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on
’Cause everybody hurts.
Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts.
Don’t throw your hand. Oh, no. Don’t throw your hand.
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone.

If you’re on your own in this life,
The days and nights are long,
When you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on,
Well, everybody hurts sometimes.
Everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes."

(R.E.M.)

Number Twenty-seven

2005-01-10T07:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Ellis and Becky took us out to lunch at Mr. Ho's. Alot of other people went as well, including Scott, Lydia, Dia, and Jenna. It was loads of fun. I love our Sunday lunches. My fortune in my fortune cookie read, "Happiness always accompanies with you." He he he he.

After lunch, a guy ran into my car and probably totaled it.

Number Twenty-six

2004-12-28T14:00:00.000-08:00

Must-read author: Nick Hornby
Must-use British expressions: nappies, b.l.o.o.d.y (I have to put this because my parents have Cybersitter or some ludicrous thing like that), post (for mail), programme (for T.V. show), telly, bloque

So, I'm having this discussion with Sam about Jelly Bellies, and I remember how much I like them. And, now, I've just had my brother pick me up some at Movie Gallery. Cause we're watching Elf and Anchorman today. So, here're (that can't be right) the ones I remember that I like the most: cotton candy (all-time favorite, I think), buttered popcorn, cantalope, pear, toasted marshmallow, jalepeno, strawberry daiquiri, peanut butter, vodka (oops! oh, that's not one), and coffee.

What're ya'll doin for New Year's? I'm going to a party put on by the Sansoms with Brian and dancing! And, I'm hanging with my bro and two of our friends from Athens, GA. I just feel like being home this year. But there had better be some champagne or something.

Ok, well, I've gotta go eat my burrito. Who's looking forward to Myth and Popular Culture?? Me!!!!!!!

Number Twenty-four

2004-12-13T23:30:00.000-08:00

Describe yourself using one band and song titles from that band
Created by naw5689 and taken 1699 times on bzoink!
Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:	Over the Rhine
Are you male or female:	female
Describe yourself:	Faithfully Dangerous
How do some people feel about you:	Everyman's Daughter
How do you feel about yourself:	Cruel and Pretty
Describe your ex friend/boyfriend:	Fool
Describe your current friend/boyfriend:	Someday
Describe where you want to be:	The World Can Wait
Describe what you want to be:	Circle of Quiet
Describe how you live:	Eyes Wide Open
Describe how you love:	My Love Is a Fever
Share a few words of wisdom	It's Never Quite What It Seems
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to bzoink!

Number Twenty-three

2004-12-03T06:38:00.000-08:00

Question of the day: What's your Christmas wish?

Artist to check out: Loreena McKennitt

Song in my head:
"And if I shed a tear, I won't cage it.
I won't fear love.
And if I feel a rage, I won't deny it.
I won't fear love."
(Sarah McLachlan, "Fear")

Ok, this is puzzling me to death. Who said, "as if appetite of desire had increased by what it fed upon"? Somebody tell me.

And, James, if you're reading this, write me or something. I haven't seen you in forever.

We are starting a Women's Studies Club here at Troy University. I'm definitely joining. I guess Cixous really got me going. Read "The Laugh of the Medusa."

I am officially a die-hard fan of "Gilmore Girls." I can't get enough. If you're rich and wondering what to get me for Christmas, get me a season of "Gilmore Girls." I'll kiss your feet.

I just got my first Christmas order for a purse. It's going to be cream and cranberry toile. I can't wait. I can already see it. It's going to be fabulous. I want to give Maggie and Callie little purses for Christmas. I finally gave Heather Ratti hers. I think she loved it. It was white with hot pink polka dots and lime green straps and interior. The inside pockets were the crowning glory. They were hot pink satin. One had ribbon trim around the top edge. The other had a little ribbon bow.

Does anyone else have a strong desire to start using British spellings of words??? Colour, favour, connexion, savour, ah!!

Ok, well, my coffee is calling my name. My walk is too, but it's 30 degrees outside. I think this afternoon will be lovely. I'm going to go get a breakfast burrito from Sonic. I should buy Sonic stock.

I'm writing a paper for Dr. Glover and Dr. Cooper called, "Language, Literacy, and Identity Formation in Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass." You should read it.

Number Twenty-two

2004-11-29T09:12:00.000-08:00

"There's a magic down in Memphis
That never seems to fade
Even now them voices carry
Like a lonely serenade
It's the memories that still and always will be on my mind
They move me every time

She sees the good in everything there is to see
Sometimes I wonder what she ever sees in me
I'm not always right, you know
But she's never led me wrong
She moves me like a Memphis soul song

In all my travels I've never found a way
To find the words that say the things I'd like to say
I've sang some melodies, but she's my favorite one
She moves me like a Memphis soul song"

(Uncle Kracker, "Memphis Soul Song")

Number Twenty-one

2004-11-21T04:16:00.000-08:00

"Once upon a midnight, dearie,
I woke with something in my head
I couldn't escape the memory
Of a phone call and of what you said
Like a game show contestant with a parting gift
I could not believe my eyes
When I saw through the voice of a trusted friend
Who needs to humor me and tell me lies
Yeah, humor me and tell me lies

And I'll lie too and say I don't mind
And as we seek so shall we find
And when you're feeling open I'll still be here
But not without a certain degree of fear
Of what will be with you and me
I still can see things hopefully

But you
Why you wanna give me a run-around?
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up
When all it does is slow me down
And shake me and my confidence
About a great many things

But I've been there; I can see it cower
Like a nervous magician waiting in the wings
Of a bad play where the heroes are right
And nobody thinks or expects too much
And Hollywood's calling for the movie rights
Singing, hey, babe, let's keep in touch
Hey, baby, let's keep in touch

But I want more than a touch
I want you to reach me
And show me all the things no one else can see
So what you feel becomes mine as well
And soon, if we're lucky, we'd be unable to tell
What's yours and mine; the fishing's fine
And it doesn't have to rhyme so don't feed me a line

But you
Why you wanna give me a run-around?
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up
When all it does is slow me down

Tra la la la la bomba dear this is the pilot speaking
And I've got some news for you
It seems my ship still stands no matter what you drop
And there ain't a whole lot that you can do
Oh sure the banner may be torn and the wind's gotten colder
Perhaps I've grown a little cynical
But I know no matter what the waitress brings
I shall drink in and always be full
My cup shall always be full
Oh I like coffee
And I like tea
I'd like to be able to enter a final plea
I still got this dream that you just can't shake
I love you to the point you can no longer take

Well, all right, okay
So be that way
I hope and pray
That there's something left to say

But you
Why you wanna give me a run-around?
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up
When all it does is slow me down"

(Blues Traveler, "Run Around")

Number Twenty

2004-10-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

Mood: Ahhhh... That fresh I-just-woke-up feeling.

Yesterday, my pastor said the following word with a short i on the second i: intrigued
Kenny and I almost broke out laughing in the middle of the service. I was like, "Hey, Kenny! He said intrigued."
After the service, Sam was telling about this time in like eighth or ninth grade that he wore Tommy. Some guys from another school wore TH, and for some reason Sam can't remember, he wanted to be associated with them. So, anyway, one day, he was wearing a Tommy jacket, and one of those guys from the other school was like, "Hey, Sam, I really like your jacket." Sam said that he thought, "I AM THE COOLEST GUY!!!!!!"
Anyway, that's all for now. I need to go walk/run. My neurologist appointment is tomorrow!!! Yeah!!!!!!!

All the words denoting "wuss" are feminine: pansy, pussy, sissy, girl. I despise that.

Number Nineteen

2004-10-23T01:25:00.000-07:00

Quote for the Day: "I feel like I'm going to throw up with all this knowledge." (Steven Doss)
Song: "Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers, share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in."
("Sunday Morning," Maroon 5)

Number Eighteen

2004-10-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

"Lazy yellow moon comin’ up tonight, shinin’ through the trees,
Crickets are singin’ and the lightning bugs are floatin' on the breeze
Baby get ready.....

Across the field where the creek turns back by the 'ole stump road
I’m gonna take you to a special place that nobody knows
Baby get ready.....ooooooooooooooo

You and me going fishin' in the dark,
Lying on our backs and counting the stars
Where the cool grass grows.
Down by the river in the full moon light,
We’ll be fallin’ in love in the middle of the night,
Just movin’ slow...

Stayin’ the whole night through, feels so good to be with you..."

"Fishin' in the Dark," Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

Number Seventeen

2004-10-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

"Judge Temple retired towards his dwelling with that kind of feeling, that many a man has experienced before him, who discovers, after the excitement of the moment has passed, that he has purchased pleasure at the price of misery to others." (James Fennimore Cooper, The Pioneers)

There is nothing like screwing up something that you have worked so hard to maintain and realizing that you have hurt someone else and yourself in the process. All for the sake of a brief moment of pleasure. It is never worth it. Keep that in mind. It is never worth it.

Number Sixteen

2004-10-11T15:58:00.000-07:00

"I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
Taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding I am
Colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am.... fine
I am fine"

Counting Crows, "Colorblind"

"When I see you, a blanket of stars covers me in my head." (Counting Crows)

Number Fifteen

2004-10-11T09:33:00.000-07:00

Quote: "The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful sap me and steal my breath...
Tell me that we belong together. Dress it up with the trappings of love. I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips..." ("I'll Be," Edwin McCain)

Number Fourteen

2004-10-09T16:16:00.000-07:00

Quote: "How it is I know not; but there is no place like a bed for confidential disclosures between friends." (Herman Melville, Moby Dick)

"truly to enjoy bodily warmth, some small part of you must be cold, for there is no quality in this world that is not what it is merely by contrast. Nothing exists in itself. If you flatter yourself that you are all over comfortable, and have been so a long time, then you cannot be said to be comfortable any more. But if, like Queequeg and me in the bed, the tip of your nose or the crown of your head be slightly chilled, why then, indeed, in the general consciousness you feel most delightfully and unmistakably warm. For this reason a sleeping apartment should never be furnished with a fire, which is one of the luxurious discomforts of the rich. For the height of this sort of deliciousness is to have nothing but the blanket between you and your snugness and the cold of the outer air. Then there you lie like the one warm spark in the heart of an arctic crystal." (Moby Dick, "Nightgown")

I will from this time forward periodically be quoting passages from Moby Dick.

Number Thirteen

2004-10-08T16:48:00.000-07:00

There is this girl here at Troy that I swear has a severe case of neurosis ("Any of various mental or emotional disorders, such as hypochondria or neurasthenia... involving symptoms such as insecurity, anxiety, depression, and irrational fears, but without psychotic symptoms such as delusions or hallucinations"). On second thought, she might have the delusions, too. Whatever the case, I think one could form an entire psychological study from just this one girl. I mean, I have only met one other person in my lifetime who was this psychologically disturbed... There is no logical coherence to her thoughts. Half the time when conversing with her, I am thinking, "WHAT!?!? Where did that come from??"

Number Twelve

2004-09-21T01:00:00.000-07:00

Song: "You ain't ever got krunk before
'Til you tear the club down with them country boys."

This is from some new rap song about Alabama that has Lynnard Skynard's "Sweet Home Alabama" as its chorus. I like it. Gotta give it up to that boy for singin' bout our home.

Recommended Reading: Moby Dick, Herman Melville

I've only read three chapters so far, but I'm already captivated. Moby Dick is considered by many literary critics to be the best American novel ever written. When I'm done, I might concur.

Number Eleven

2004-09-11T21:16:00.000-07:00

Quote: "the ruin of such lives will gradually reach its complete consummation and sublimities of soul fade and wither away and become contemptible, when men are lost in admiration of their own mortal parts, and omit to exalt that which is immortal." (Longinus, "On the Sublime")

Recommended Reading: Typee, Herman Melville

Number Ten

2004-08-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

Quote: "you have a piercing need/ For this bright morning dawning for you." (Maya Angelou, "On the Pulse of Morning")
Recommended Reading: Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave, Written by Himself

Never underestimate the power of a wink. Someone winked at me a couple of nights ago, and I am still smiling about it.
Has anyone read Moby Dick in its entirety?? We are reading that in two classes this semester. Also, Typee, which is likewise written by Herman Melville. My professor for both of those classes graduated from Harvard.
Well, I've got to go to Wal Mart (i.e. the Mecca of Troy), the post office, the bookstore, and the University Police. The latter for my many on-campus misdemeanors, of course. Then, I must bury mine head in yon books for many ages.
Arrivederci!

Number Nine

2004-08-24T23:12:00.000-07:00

I think have my second ever professor crush. I think I also have my second ever bug from Saga. I have been yucky sick the past few days, and I think that's why... Ok, I just went to the student nurse, and she thinks it's the Ambien I've been taking to sleep at night.

Number Eight

2004-08-21T13:15:00.000-07:00

Quote: "Nobody else on earth kin hold uh candle tuh you, baby. You got de keys to de kingdom." (Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God)

Hello! It is raining like God just opened up the heavens and let loose. It is move-in day, too; so that's gotta be bad. I am one of the privileged few girls (or maybe the only) who has a private room in this dorm. You should see the "double" rooms. They are the same size as mine with TWO girls staying in them.... Case and I just went to lunch a couple of hours ago, and practically the whole football team was in there. Saga was almost full, and I was the only girl in there. We came back from Saga and decided to people-watch down in the lobby because there are so many people moving in today. (Hoooooooray for back-to-school functions and free stuff!!!!!!) Anyway, we met a few new people and saw several we already knew. I was especially excited to see Cherrie, my neighbor from Hamil. Cherrie said she and Shasity are living on the second floor together. Case and I also met this really cool guy named Justin who lives in 100. I think we will be friends. Now, sitting in my room seems very anti-climactic. I remember now why I procrastinate. People are just so much FUN!!!!!

Number Seven

2004-08-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

I'm participating in my newest stress-relieving project. (Well, journaling is not new, but doing it online is.) I have been packing and working on my dad's birthday present for about two hours, and I'm about fed up with it. Stupid packing. My mom's having a surprise birthday party for my dad's fiftieth birthday Sunday!!! Yeah! All the peeps I love from DCC will be there.
Tonight, I went to Wal Mart, McDonald's, and Monarcas with Case. I ate a meal at McDonald's. Wooooah. I never do that. I had that new "Chicken Selects" thing. It was pretty good, but in no way can it compare to Willy T's or Zaxby's. Or Chick-fil-A.
I have still not written my thank-you cards from my birthday. I feel very guilty.
...Ok, now it's Friday. Moving day! Case and I went to Wal Mart a second time last night just for the heck of it at about 11:30PM. I found a frame for my dad's birthday present. And we saw Murfen. Then we came home and drank green apple Smirnoff and watched Joe Schmo 2.
Ok, well, I will write more later. Gotta go hit the packing.
Au revoir, mon amies!!!!!

Number Six

2004-08-11T21:56:00.000-07:00

"What Do You See in Your Clouds?"
A Lesson from Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

"'Behold He cometh with clouds.' Rev. 1:7
In the Bible clouds are always connected with God. Clouds are those sorrows or sufferings or providences, within or without our personal lives, which seem to dispute the very rule of God. It is by those very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were no clouds, we should have no faith. 'The clouds are but the dust of our Father's feet.' The clouds are the sign that He is there. What a revelation it is to know that sorrow and bereavement and suffering are the clouds that come along with God! God cannot come near without clouds, He does not come in clear shining.
It is not true to say that God wants to teach us something in our trials; through every cloud He brings, He wants us to unlearn something. His purpose in the cloud is to simplify our belief until our relationship to Him is exactly that of a child-- God and my own soul, other people are shadows. Until other people become shadows, clouds and darkness will be mine every now and again. Is the relationship between myself and God getting simpler than ever it has been?
There is a connnection between the strange providences of God and what we know of Him, and we have to learn to interpret the mysteries of life in the light of our knowledge of God. Unless we can look the darkest, blackest fact full in the face without damaging God's character, we do not yet know Him.
'They feared as they entered the cloud....' Is there anyone 'save Jesus only' in your cloud? If so, it will get darker; you must get to the place where there is 'no one any more save Jesus only.'"

Copyright 1963, Oswald Chambers Publications Association, Ltd.